11:41 PM
the future scared me today. no, not in the "end of the world sense" but in the relationship with my significant other sense. we used to be so sure- sure of when the next time we would see each other;sure that between those times we would be willing and able to wait; sure that we would be able to endure everything in between until that fateful day when no one would have to take the other to the airport.
but what have 2 years, 5 months and a day taught me?! it is the bitter fact that a 9 whole months without seeing each other is an impossibility and drives the both of you ugly-crazy.this particular lesson made me realize why a human pregnancy is only supposed to last 9 months (the pregnant lady goes berserk pretty soon). another lesson: 5 months is my threshold. i get cranky, cry-y, depressed and pretty hopeless.it is embarrassing that the boyfriend can last waayyyy longer and has to be the recipient of all this angst.third, and my painful lesson for the day is the plain and simple fact that you cannot let someone, irregardless of how much he loves you wait and wait, when even you yourself have no idea of when you're actually coming.
so amidst the tears (and boy were there a lot, especially on my end), an agreement was made today. if this certain detail didn't work itself out by may, then we say our goodbyes. hopefully not forever though- i hopefully have this 6-9 month stint that i am looking into and he has school for another 6 months. the catch was to go on with each's own lives and let fate take its course, and then when we wouldn't have to make each other wait anymore, we would go find each other, just like in the movies.
and where would we find each other? of course new york! (italy is being considered too), just like in the movies. we could do the whole meeting at the empire state state building ala an affair to remember. the italy scenario is more dramatic though- he would knock on my door, after having flown all the way from australia, only to have a gorgeous guy open the door. he then walks away dejectedly and i chase him down the streets of florence. you do realize though that there is a slight drizzle at this very moment. i catch up with him and explain that what he thought was a mistake, the guy that opened the door wasn't my guy, he was in fact my gay-my gay friend! and then right then and there we would kiss.say it with me now- JUST LIKE THE MOVIES.
while it feels a little giddy to imagine all these "endings" for us, the one thing that i fervently hope for is that we don't have to end. so that thing in may, please work out, because down the line, i don't want to be that girl who just sits and cries by her rainy window, just like the movies. :(
p.s i don't want to sound so full of myself and delusional but i couldn't help but notice based on the number counter thingy that there are some people out there who actually read my ramblings. i don't know whether it is because you have nothing better to do/find me and my posts crazy/can relate/hate me/ pity me/ or actually enjoy my writing. but whatever your reason is, please say hello on the hsoutbox, i don't care what you wanna put there as long as you put something to stop my paranoria that strangers are reading about my life. think about it this way, f you put something and i reply, we become acquaintances and therefore no longer stangers and therefore no more reason for paranoria, ok? thanks a lot :p
Labels: boyfriend woes, ldr, ps, sad princess, whining
sam