9:46 AM
im trying to go back to sleep, but my mind is plagued by images of the ugly duckling, so i thought it'd be best to get the whole thing out there..
yesterday, i was thrown into an experience which starred me as the ugly duckling :(.please don't get me wrong, i normally have a healthy dose of self esteem. while i know i'm far from being the best looking or the best dressed in a room in any random situation, i'm often comforted by the fact that i can contribute little somethings, be it funny anecdotes or witty conversation that puts me in the happy middle.
that was not the case yesterday. a friend wanted me to show up for a "vtr of sorts". i was supposed to be "nakaoutfit and nakamakeup", of which kind i wasn't entirely sure or clarified about. being a staunch believer of life's surprises, and catching life's curve balls, i gamely said yes and braced myself for what could possibly be the worst/best/most random experience of my life.
i showed up at the cafe, in what i thought was heavy makeup already considering it was broad daylight and a seemingly fail-safe outfit, finished off with my favorite and most comfy flat sandals. one hour passed. the friend was a no show,his phone could not be reached. way for the self esteem to take a first beating. at that point, i believed i was being taken on for a ride and was the victim of a cruel practical joke.
i got up and left.while in the car, friend texted and called saying he was on his way, so sorry, blah blah. i had to turn back.i wasn't in the best of moods at this time. i'm sorry but in my universe, tardiness is the ultimate sign of disrespect.
friend took me to the vtr place. to be honest, it was not really where i expected it to happen. the lighting was baaaaaddd. it made everyone look red. to make matters worse, i was met with some disdainful head-to-toe glances by some people who probably thought i was being a diva for showing up late. i can't say i blame them though. tardiness IS the ultimate sign of disrespect. i wanted to protest but bit my tongue.
i sat there quiet, waiting for the set-up,applying even more makeup because it apparently looked like i wasn't wearing any, when 2 other girls walk in. 2 other TALL girls, in heavy whoa all out makeup and heavy whoa all out outfits. can you say wtf?!?! i knew one of them, i had worked with her before. she was (is) a model for crying out loud, as was the other as i was about to find out. that wasn't the worst part. apparently, BOTH of them were title holders/"beauty queens" as well. why was i even here? at this point, i felt fat, short, dumpy and completely unattractive. i was the ugly duckling.
i majorly sucked at the talking part too. of course they made me go first, of course i obliged. of course they found a better way to seem like they weren't reading off the script thing, of course they didn't look too fat, too chinese, too red... i just felt sucky.and unfair.and unfair.and unfair. i know i'm normally a good speaker, i know i'm somewhat confident, but i guess the whole thing got to me, i looked at the tape and felt like i was blinking too much or something. it was a surreal and unpleasant experience. yuck. i felt bad, these girls were prettier but they had to speak better too? now what did i have to offer? sigh..
i don't expect to get anything out of that. i'm still trying to figure out what i learned (wear heels a lot more maybe?). this whole low self esteem thing is new to me, perhaps i need to learn things about it. i'm still a little pissed off at friend though. what was he thinking putting me into the fray?! i mean wtf?! if that was a vote of confidence for me, then thank you i guess, and maybe i should feel a bit flattered, but i just felt like odd man out.again, WTF?! right now, i'm just hoping to get the whole experience out of my head, and hopefully get back to bed.
ugly duckling signing out.
p.s i really need a break.i want a good surprise.anything from anyone will do :(
Labels: misadventures, sad princess, ugly duckling, yuck
sam