a public service announcement :p

10:40 PM

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! i can officially say that in a few hours, i will really have a living, breathing, real life boyfriend to call my very own. someone to hug and kiss and hold hands and cuddle and do all the mushy stuff with!

its about time! 6 months is a damn long time to wait.

also, to anyone who cares, posts may be few and far between as "the happy, reunited couple" may be busy gallivanting around town and getting into all sorts of adventures and misadventures. please excuse me :)



aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..deep breaths! im soooo excited :D xoxoxoxox

Labels: baby, boyfriends and girlfriends, happy princess

sam

tis the season to be jolly

4:30 PM

merry christmas to everyone who has empathized, sympathized and just because its christmas, even those who criticized the whinings of a vain bratty princess. may your holidays be merry and bright, filled to the brim with laughter, glorious food,the best of friends, presents that you wished for and lots and lots and lots of love.

a special merry christmas to those who are away from their boos and honeys and baby's this year. i feel your pain, but today's not the day to whine about it right?! maybe tomorrow hahaha :p.

im getting my christmas pressie a little late this year, on the 28th of december at 6:45 pm to be exact! it's coming via cathay pacific straight from hk. :D 3 guessess..i guess santa decided i wasn't very good this year and wanted to see me squirm a little...haha :D

happy holidays one and all and do me a favor and have some fun under the mistletoe :) mwaaahhhhh xoxo

Labels: christmas, holidays

sam

christmas cheer

9:49 PM

enough with the glum!

my youngest sister is home, the fam is complete for christmas! yay! that's a little extra christmas spirit for me, as cheesy as it sounds! merry christmas one and all! :)

Labels: christmas

sam

the evil trade-off

4:05 PM

i've been trying to ward off the temptation of the frozen milo since sunday.i've prepared it, meaning shoved it in the freezer while it was merely a box of ordinary milo. it's frozen now.and it sat there taunting me.

i couldn't resist after the great day that i was having so far. i had to have it. so i struggled to open it.

in my struggle, i cut my hand from the knife, and broke a glass because of the excessive spoon action.

but i'm happily munching on my frozen milo, and using the cold to numb my aching hand.

i don't know if this is a fair trade-off.all i know is that calories are a bitch. and that literally, this frozen milo cost me blood, sweat and tears.

Labels: food, frozen milo, life

sam

its pouring out

10:02 AM

when it rains, it pours.

that, i think is the understatement of the century.

i feel as if i'm caught in a hailstorm of sad things.gloomy things.

i'm no longer excited, as previously mentioned. im waited out, emo'ed out.im blah about the whole thing. i thought talking about it would help but it hasn't. the mood hasn't lifted. now, i'm not only blaahhh but misunderstood too. i'm this evil ungrateful stoopid impatient girl who doesn't know what's good for her even if it shit her on the face.

i am also the victim of plain idiocy. why must the manual car be parked on the most outside spot when no one except the drivers who are currently out are able to drive them anyway?!a bottleneck is an understatement, its more like a bottle stop. a person can have 4 million cars but they all mean crap if you have this problem.

and as if my life weren't fun enough, i again have persistent chest pain. wtf? is this a foreshadowing of me suffering and then succumbing to a heart attack over christmas? that'd make it an even more perfect holiday then.

oh,i'm broke too.

and for good measure, let me just add that children's multivitamins are not a cure for chest pains. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.


i'm sorry. i'm just depressed.and needing a raincoat badly.

Labels: depressed, rain

sam

need for speed

12:19 AM

i've lost my momentum.now, im just feeling blllllllaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Labels: talking to myself

sam

love hate

6:55 PM

as much as i love my family, at times i really wish i could strangle them. i don't know if its the age gap, the generation gap or just plain ordinary stubborness, but they REFUSE to see my point.

my point:considering being with a guy for money is yecchhhhh. i launched into an example of my sister's relationship to illustrate the merits of my point.

as expected they completely misunderstood.

their point: i was selling my sister and therefore ultimately me and ultimately my dad short because i though so "low" of us not to "deserve" a guy who was at least financially stable.did i not feel proud of the accomplishments that my dad has made? did i not think that they measured up to a "rich guy's" family's accomplishments?


huh?!?!? where did that come from. i. don't. get. it.


i have no qualms about marrying the richest bajillionaire on the planet PROVIDED that i was truly madly and deeply in love with him and he was with me too.

arrghhhhh. i don't get them at all.

Labels: arrgghhhhh, family

sam

of fish and walls

5:17 PM

there are times, in the course of an ldr, when you feel like you are just banging your head on a brick wall. when all the world's fates conspire against you, the feeling is much like a swim upstream, against a raging and merciless current.

today, i am that wall-banging salmon swimming upstream.

Labels: boyfriend woes, boyfriends and girlfriends, ldr

sam

ugly duckling

9:46 AM

im trying to go back to sleep, but my mind is plagued by images of the ugly duckling, so i thought it'd be best to get the whole thing out there..

yesterday, i was thrown into an experience which starred me as the ugly duckling :(.please don't get me wrong, i normally have a healthy dose of self esteem. while i know i'm far from being the best looking or the best dressed in a room in any random situation, i'm often comforted by the fact that i can contribute little somethings, be it funny anecdotes or witty conversation that puts me in the happy middle.

that was not the case yesterday. a friend wanted me to show up for a "vtr of sorts". i was supposed to be "nakaoutfit and nakamakeup", of which kind i wasn't entirely sure or clarified about. being a staunch believer of life's surprises, and catching life's curve balls, i gamely said yes and braced myself for what could possibly be the worst/best/most random experience of my life.

i showed up at the cafe, in what i thought was heavy makeup already considering it was broad daylight and a seemingly fail-safe outfit, finished off with my favorite and most comfy flat sandals. one hour passed. the friend was a no show,his phone could not be reached. way for the self esteem to take a first beating. at that point, i believed i was being taken on for a ride and was the victim of a cruel practical joke.

i got up and left.while in the car, friend texted and called saying he was on his way, so sorry, blah blah. i had to turn back.i wasn't in the best of moods at this time. i'm sorry but in my universe, tardiness is the ultimate sign of disrespect.

friend took me to the vtr place. to be honest, it was not really where i expected it to happen. the lighting was baaaaaddd. it made everyone look red. to make matters worse, i was met with some disdainful head-to-toe glances by some people who probably thought i was being a diva for showing up late. i can't say i blame them though. tardiness IS the ultimate sign of disrespect. i wanted to protest but bit my tongue.

i sat there quiet, waiting for the set-up,applying even more makeup because it apparently looked like i wasn't wearing any, when 2 other girls walk in. 2 other TALL girls, in heavy whoa all out makeup and heavy whoa all out outfits. can you say wtf?!?! i knew one of them, i had worked with her before. she was (is) a model for crying out loud, as was the other as i was about to find out. that wasn't the worst part. apparently, BOTH of them were title holders/"beauty queens" as well. why was i even here? at this point, i felt fat, short, dumpy and completely unattractive. i was the ugly duckling.

i majorly sucked at the talking part too. of course they made me go first, of course i obliged. of course they found a better way to seem like they weren't reading off the script thing, of course they didn't look too fat, too chinese, too red... i just felt sucky.and unfair.and unfair.and unfair. i know i'm normally a good speaker, i know i'm somewhat confident, but i guess the whole thing got to me, i looked at the tape and felt like i was blinking too much or something. it was a surreal and unpleasant experience. yuck. i felt bad, these girls were prettier but they had to speak better too? now what did i have to offer? sigh..

i don't expect to get anything out of that. i'm still trying to figure out what i learned (wear heels a lot more maybe?). this whole low self esteem thing is new to me, perhaps i need to learn things about it. i'm still a little pissed off at friend though. what was he thinking putting me into the fray?! i mean wtf?! if that was a vote of confidence for me, then thank you i guess, and maybe i should feel a bit flattered, but i just felt like odd man out.again, WTF?! right now, i'm just hoping to get the whole experience out of my head, and hopefully get back to bed.

ugly duckling signing out.




p.s i really need a break.i want a good surprise.anything from anyone will do :(

Labels: misadventures, sad princess, ugly duckling, yuck

sam

to the best daddy in the world

9:49 AM

anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that i am the ultimate daddy's girl. i worship the ground my dad walks on and thinks that his opinion is the be-all, end-all of things. i love him more than anyone and anything else in the world and am proud to say it!


my dad is a simple guy. buwad for breakfast, buchi for dessert and coke to drink is his 5 star meal. sometimes, he is so "simple" that it borders on me finding it hilarious or making me want to pull my hair out in sheer frustration. case(s) in point: he didn't know how to work his laptop so he thought about pitching it over the mactan bridge. haha. that's not all, he painstakingly played "lost in space" 5 million times in his attempt to write down the lyrics, only to be informed by tiny that a click to lyrics.com would solve his dilemma asap. when i was away at university, i would get calls in the middle of class from him, saying that i had to take it as it was of an emergency, only to find out that the emergency consisted of him not knowing where the printer's on button was. arrgghhh daddy!

my dad wouldn't be my dad if he wasn't generous. he is generous to a fault, although his daughters know how to take advantage of this trait really well. countless times, he's given us the last bit of money to be found in his wallet. i've heard stories of him buying a thousand pesos of siomai for his OR nurses. hello, who does that?! he finds it so easy to give, admtist the fact that he goes through many long days and sleepless nights before he can secure that money.

daddy is also just happy. he chooses to be happy and in a good mood. his finds pleasure in belting out gary v's "how did you know" and playing it repeatedly on the piano. halo-halo and buchi from chowking make him happy and so we get knocks on our days at the weirdest times of the night of him telling us to come down and share halohalo with him.

i write this as my dad is 54 today (YAY!) and i wanted to do a little something to tell the world that i love my huge chinese-looking santa/ giant teddy bear of a daddy.happy birthday dad! thank you for all the things that you do for me day in and out. you're my perfect example of a good person in all aspects of life. i'm soooo proud of you.i love you!mwah.xoxo

Labels: daddy wy, happy birthday

sam

how sam got her groove back

11:02 AM

after almost 6 months of inactivity, i finally joined a capoiera class yesterday. this is not a story of a triumphant return, rather its a funny recollection of how you may have plans of how one thing may go while life may choose to go on a completely different albeit funnier route.

i went to the class with my sister. now, she was a total beginner and no match to my "expert" skills (or so i thought haha). i was in the zone, i was grooving it. it seemed like i had not forgotten my moves after all. my form was still good.acceptable. i even quote my instructor as saying that it was "beautiful" at times. ahhhh, can you feel the head swell?!:p

and then it happened. i felt weird. i dashed off to get a drink of water. it did nothing to improve the weirdness. it was hot and cold at the same time. i felt like maybe my necklace, my top was choking me. i had to sit down.the world went spinning and black for a few moments and then my arms went numb and tingly.after that, a stomach pain comparable to dysmenorhea started. tiny came over. "you look really pale"she said, "rest".

so i rested. rested while the rest of the class grooved some more. rested while tiny made those killer handstand push-ups. rested while she was proclaimed "a natural" and called by her new capoiera name.

in the end, a combination of losing weight much too quickly, not having enough sugar in my body, low blood pressure, mvp and having my 1st day period did me in. i made attempts to get up and join back in, but the wave of dizziness was much to strong, and i opted to stay in my comfortable and stable fetal position instead.

and that was how sam got her groove back, capo style, and i suppose how tiny got her groove on too. this is not the end of me though. just you wait, maybe this thursday, i will make it through the entire class. my capoiera spirit lives again, fueled by a piece of candy and mcdonalds drive-thru that my sister forced me to take. you've gotta give it to life sometimes, and to sisters too :)

Labels: capoiera, groove, life, sisters, tiny

sam

will anyone see this with me? puhlease :D

11:47 AM

...ok ok, i will admit that i was an AVID fan of F4 back in their heydey. there. i said it.:p

Labels: batanes, f4, ken chu, movies

sam

how apt and on point

11:41 AM

i was talking to a friend about another friend's "problem" and at the same time i was perusing through another friend's fb account. it was there that i saw this. i swear, life hands you answers in the weirdest ways sometimes. also, it must be said that it made my heart melt a little, and got me thinking about my own guy :p...


Good advice:

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, " ...that's her."

Labels: friends, good advice, life

sam

a big whoosh of an exhale

12:23 PM

i had the mother of all breakdowns last saturday night. i cried myself to sleep only to find myself being awakened by my crying. i felt so sad and so engulfed by this dark abyss of loneliness and being alone. i was incomprehensible and inconsolable. no argument, no reasoning could pull me back. i wanted to end it all- just sever my ties with anyone and everything. i was that sad.

why? well, the truth is, being a semi single in a world of couples is just about the loneliest thing in the planet. you understand the language that the couples around you speak but you have no one to speak to.every stolen touch and kiss is a slap. it is there mocking you, taunting you, saying this is once you once had but don't anymore. you are the oddball, the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel. by no intention of the company around you, you feel unwanted, left out, singled out.your friends' attempts to include you make you feel awkward. you second guess their intentions of inclusion and question if their attempts are out of pity or if it is because they find you pathetic.

there is no feeling comparable to it. you feel so sad and so unsure of yourself and what you have. you ask, "is this really what i want?", "is this really what i signed up for?". you raise your finger up to God and curse him and how unfair the whole situation is. why does it have to be you. what did i do wrong. do i really deserve this.

i went through all of this and more. i thought i had had it. i just wanted a real thing, real meaning physically present and palpable. i wanted (and still want) someone to look at me like that, kiss me like that. i was sick of skype, sick of webcams. sick of headphones. sick of lags and delays and busted internet connections.sick sick sick.

don't get me wrong. i love my boyfriend. love what we have and share. but was it wrong to love myself too? to want things like that? i didn't know and i still don't know...

sunday morning.i calmed down a little. let the last bits of negativity out in one whoosh of an exhale. i managed to join my friends for a day of island hopping. i managed to smile, and to laugh and to have a genuinely good time. i may not have what they have now, but i will soon. 18 days soon.

why did i write this? not for sympathy, not for explanation, not for nods of understanding and comforting hugs. i wrote this for me, as my physical big whoosh of exhale to expel the bad vibes out.

i feel a bit better. not a hundred percent but a good 85. sure, mushy, couply things still chip off little pieces of my heart, get me teary eyed and invoke and me a sense of longing so strong that it takes real willpower not to run out of the room sobbing. but i'm coping, i'm dealing, i'm accepting, and i know someday soon i will be ok. someday soon, i'll get a taste of my own:)

in the meantime, i'll just sit here, and dream about olive trees. olive trees and dates... right baby? :)...

Labels: boyfriends and girlfriends, ldr, sad princess, sharing, talking to myself

sam

nothing to wear

9:54 AM

aaahhh. its the proverbial excuse thrown by those who lack imagination.but it's true, i have nothing to wear and nothing to work with. i've got no money to go shopping either and nothing in the stores interest me...:(


p.s. i don't even know where i'm going.yeesh.

Labels: clothes, girl woes, nothing to wear

sam

d, i'm outtie

10:40 PM

i'm feeling out of it today. discombobulated and weird. i'm blogged out which means i've exhausted my steady stream of web ramblings that provide me with a comfortable level of information to keep things interesting and kicking. there seems to be nothing bright, shiny and new to perk the day up and put a smile on my tired and wan face.


in the words of jula's favorite movie, i quote the lead character, cher," d, im outtie"
[exit stage left.]

end scene.

Labels: out of it, talking to myself, tired tired princess

sam

to get or not to get

1:54 PM

i'm lusting after these











and i've sort of found them here (save for the heel which is a little different).so, do i get them or forget about them? do i really need another pair of shoes? will i really get to use them? and are they a sound investment at 1600 PHP a pop? i need to justify this purchase!! i want them soo badly that my heart hurt a little as i walked away from them (sob)

Labels: girl woes, shoes, shopping

sam

the madness ends

11:45 PM

hurrah!!! i almost forgot to share. i have in my possession, the season's hottest accessory! noooo, its not those prada sfumatto sandals, or the latest "it" bag (although i certainly wouldn't mind having those either). its.... THE STARBUCKS 2008 PLANNER! :D

after a lot of forced coffee drinking, sticker pity donations from friends and family, a lot of barista negotiations and wheeling and dealing, i finally placed the last sticker last night and handed in my little booklet in exchange for the coveted planner.when i was told tha i would be getting it in a few moments, i shrieked and did my little dance and released about 2.5 joyous whoops.

i've spent the last hour doodling and writing like crazy- personalising my planner and now my left hand is numb and throbby.but thats okay- i don't care, it was worth it!:D

i feel as if i've scaled the everest of coffee!!! i'm shallow like that :D... yipppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....:D

Labels: coffee, crazy, happy princess, starbucks planner

sam

the 7 capital sins of tactlessness and thoughtlessness

10:55 AM

let me start by saying that i'm irked. irked by general tactlessness and thoughtlessness of general people. i get it that everyone is different and it follows that we have different offensive thresholds, different behaviors and different reactions but c'mon- boundaries still exist and its a fine line between funny, cute and just plain rude! so this is just me, ok, and my 7 capitals sins of tactlessness and thoughtlessness. they're deadly so beware. committing any one of these may equate to social suicide. and so, in my twisted little world, it is not fine/okay/acceptable to act in the following manner/s:

1.tell people about their weight gain to their face! i know this is a Filipino trait but do you really want to push someone who's feeling a little self conscious to begin with further down?! people may think they are being helpful-newsflash- YOU"RE NOT! what you're doing is rude, insensitive and just plain hurtful. no one knows better than oneself if they've gained weight and if they need to lose it. let's reserve the "oh you've gained so much weight" to lolas and titas who come from different generation and do not comprehend the rudeness, or to sisters and the closest of friends who can tell you shit to your face but do it because they are genuinely looking out for you.

2.when in a new place, take note of the social norms THERE and do not assume that your way is the right and civilized one. YOUR CULTURE IS NOT SUPERIOR, okay?! DEAL.

3.it is rude to whisper in someone else's presence. this behavior may be acceptable when one is 5 but not at 25. if you are dying to share this secret,maybe you can try being discreet about it, maybe you can text or go to the bathroom together but please save your excluded company from the uncomfortable feeling of being left out and being the subject of your ridicule. a dinner or a loong afternoon between you or your confidant may be the more appropriate setting for you.

4.no matter what excuse you give, ditching someone is just that. if you've made prior plans, please say so beforehand, and save everyone, yourself included, the trouble and confusion. good friends understand and respect prior plans. better friends do not ditch good friends.

5.mocking someone else's beliefs when they are not yours in front of said person is not ok. people take things like this seriously you know. wars have been fought for them and lives have been shed. anybody remember the crusades?
so as not to be dubbed an asshole or an insensitive, close-minded jerk, shut your trap for the moment, change the subject to avoid conflict and MOVE ON. there are a million other topics under the sun to discuss besides this.

6.bursting a good friends bubble makes you a bitch and/or a bastard. when your friends is happy, you should be happy for them. if you find yourself with some other green eyed emotion, you might want to question your friendship. a good friend would be happy for your successes too. sarcastic comments and general let down lines are best left in the recesses of one's dark soul and are only to be taken out when confronting one's worst enemy.

7.while it seems that there are no boundaries between yourself and your bff, the case may not be the same for your bff's significant other. tread on cautious ground in this area. you never know when you're ruffling your bff's s.o's feathers.


while there may be more for other people, i think these are the ones that get my b.p boiling. feel free to add what ticks you off too. i am genuinely interested to find out if i've been treading on other people's shoes too. share! for general peace on earth, goodwill to mankind and all that mumbo jumbo :p

Labels: grrrrrrrrrr, irked princes, rant, thoughtlessness and tactlessness

sam

ali na.

10:06 AM

i miss you baby.so much that i literally felt my heart break last night.please come na.:(

Labels: baby, ldr, sad princess

sam