hallelujah for the weekend

12:35 AM

OMG- i haven't had a weekend in so long. correction- i haven't felt a weekend in soo long. the past year of bumming has had the days pass in a blur, everyday seemed like a weekend, with nothing really pressing to do. there wasn't really time off to take off from time off :P but a week of work has changed all that- the weekend lives again.

all week tasks seemed to pile up so fast that there didn't seem to be time to catch a breath. my mind's gone rusty too, as have my fingers, and i have to live with the constant frustration that these 2 facts constantly give me!the lack of blog posts this week can also be attributed for the constant state of business and my painstaking slowness at work! aaahhhh when will i become faster, stronger and better?!?!

there's a lot less drama this week which i like, but a whole lotta work where i stink my nose at. the necesarry evils of life. i cried on thursday night, because i was spent with words and typing and forums and submitting, but i was a brave little soldier the rest of time. poor jason had to live through hell.sorry baby and i am eternally grateful for all the help this week, well to be more accurate, all the help you give EVERY single day!

i've lost my train of thought..oh well, here's to the weekend! 2 glorious days of fun, freedom, waking up late, lying in, long conversations, qt with my cutie, possibly a movie, pigging out and just being! HALLELUJAH!!!!

Labels: boyfriends and girlfriends, grateful, jason, talking to myself, the weekend

sam

normal

12:41 AM

it must be said that having my boyfriend here is bliss. it feels good to validate something that was only once in your head with a good dose of reality-not memory, nor theory but 5-senses-reality! but while the obvious (kissing, hugging, blah) is a giddy sort of happiness, what really makes me over the moon is how "normal" this relationship feels and all the "normal" things that go with it.

i love the fact that i can text "be there in a minute" and actually mean it. i love the fact that we plan out what restaurant to try next and have real arguments about what to order. i am delirious with the idea that i can scrunch my nose if i don't like what he's wearing and insist to wear the other shirt. even the sometimes annoying chore of spending time with his relatives and friends that i may not be very fond of is great because it means that he is actually here that i can actually meet his friends. worrying about stinky breath was never a problem with skype, but having to remember to keep my breath minty fresh at all times is a blessing.

it may sound crazy, or something out of backwards day even, but from my experience, being in an ldr is so intense that normal is thrown out the window. emotions skyrocket. declarations of love are so grand. each day is either the highest of highs or the lowest of lows. there is an unsaid amount of pressure brought about by the distance that magnifies feelings and makes everything seem so passion filled. honestly, it all gets very tiring sometimes.

so while the boyfriend is here, i relish every bit of normalcy that we can both muster. this is our reprieve from the constant pull of intense feelings and whatnot that is the daily goodness of an ldr.

this is a weird connection, but i must end this babble by saying that goldilocks really was a very smart girl. sometimes, things really are too hard, or too soft, too hot or too cold, too sweet or too sour. nothing beats just right, just normal, but oh so very right!

Labels: baby, boyfriends and girlfriends, ldr, talking to myself

sam

a public service announcement :p

10:40 PM

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! i can officially say that in a few hours, i will really have a living, breathing, real life boyfriend to call my very own. someone to hug and kiss and hold hands and cuddle and do all the mushy stuff with!

its about time! 6 months is a damn long time to wait.

also, to anyone who cares, posts may be few and far between as "the happy, reunited couple" may be busy gallivanting around town and getting into all sorts of adventures and misadventures. please excuse me :)



aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh..deep breaths! im soooo excited :D xoxoxoxox

Labels: baby, boyfriends and girlfriends, happy princess

sam

of fish and walls

5:17 PM

there are times, in the course of an ldr, when you feel like you are just banging your head on a brick wall. when all the world's fates conspire against you, the feeling is much like a swim upstream, against a raging and merciless current.

today, i am that wall-banging salmon swimming upstream.

Labels: boyfriend woes, boyfriends and girlfriends, ldr

sam

a big whoosh of an exhale

12:23 PM

i had the mother of all breakdowns last saturday night. i cried myself to sleep only to find myself being awakened by my crying. i felt so sad and so engulfed by this dark abyss of loneliness and being alone. i was incomprehensible and inconsolable. no argument, no reasoning could pull me back. i wanted to end it all- just sever my ties with anyone and everything. i was that sad.

why? well, the truth is, being a semi single in a world of couples is just about the loneliest thing in the planet. you understand the language that the couples around you speak but you have no one to speak to.every stolen touch and kiss is a slap. it is there mocking you, taunting you, saying this is once you once had but don't anymore. you are the oddball, the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel. by no intention of the company around you, you feel unwanted, left out, singled out.your friends' attempts to include you make you feel awkward. you second guess their intentions of inclusion and question if their attempts are out of pity or if it is because they find you pathetic.

there is no feeling comparable to it. you feel so sad and so unsure of yourself and what you have. you ask, "is this really what i want?", "is this really what i signed up for?". you raise your finger up to God and curse him and how unfair the whole situation is. why does it have to be you. what did i do wrong. do i really deserve this.

i went through all of this and more. i thought i had had it. i just wanted a real thing, real meaning physically present and palpable. i wanted (and still want) someone to look at me like that, kiss me like that. i was sick of skype, sick of webcams. sick of headphones. sick of lags and delays and busted internet connections.sick sick sick.

don't get me wrong. i love my boyfriend. love what we have and share. but was it wrong to love myself too? to want things like that? i didn't know and i still don't know...

sunday morning.i calmed down a little. let the last bits of negativity out in one whoosh of an exhale. i managed to join my friends for a day of island hopping. i managed to smile, and to laugh and to have a genuinely good time. i may not have what they have now, but i will soon. 18 days soon.

why did i write this? not for sympathy, not for explanation, not for nods of understanding and comforting hugs. i wrote this for me, as my physical big whoosh of exhale to expel the bad vibes out.

i feel a bit better. not a hundred percent but a good 85. sure, mushy, couply things still chip off little pieces of my heart, get me teary eyed and invoke and me a sense of longing so strong that it takes real willpower not to run out of the room sobbing. but i'm coping, i'm dealing, i'm accepting, and i know someday soon i will be ok. someday soon, i'll get a taste of my own:)

in the meantime, i'll just sit here, and dream about olive trees. olive trees and dates... right baby? :)...

Labels: boyfriends and girlfriends, ldr, sad princess, sharing, talking to myself

sam

let's live here

11:47 AM

to all my girlfriends: LETS LIVE HERE!:D and go on crazy girl-powered adventures punctuated by all things sweet and sugary. I am especially channeling carla as we pretty much share the same design aesthetic, although this may be a wee bit too pink for her..

p.s boys are welcome too, if they wouldn't mind all the pink :p

I got this photo off apartmenttherapy.com who says that it was off domino magazine

Labels: boyfriends and girlfriends, home, pink, spaces

sam

close call... ONE BIG FIGHT!!

7:02 PM

today was a day of close calls:

1.first, between me and the boyfriend- got into a huge fight, and on monthsary too. we almost almost called it quits but hey, true love is true love so we're still together

2.between my alma matter ateneo de manila university and bitter arch rivals la salle green archers (BOOOOOOOOOOOOO). we managed to squeeze by with 1(!!!) point. WHEW!!! i'm one ecstatic princess. I heart ATENEO and I heart CHRIS TIU! GO ATENEO! ONE BIG FIGHT!!! Till Sunday Archers!!! The BLUE EAGLES ARE LUV!!!!! WIN OR LOSE ITS THE SCHOOL WE CHOOSE!!!



Chris Tiu- the final minute hero of today's game!! ANIMO ATENEO!!!

btw, credit for the pic goes to fabilioh.com.

Labels: ateneo, basketball, blue eagles, boyfriends and girlfriends, chris tiu. i heart, close call, proud atenista, UAAP

sam

sad secrets

9:57 AM

i am in love with post secret. that has never ever been a secret in itself. in fact, it has become tradition for my boyfriend and i to put away some "us" time every monday night to see all the new secrets posted up. we dissect each secret as best we can, and try to figure out the people who live behind them. every once in a while, i come across secrets that break my heart. here are two:

"The only man i have ever loved was a guest at my wedding."

"I'm 25 and I've never been kissed. It's not that I don't want to...it's just that no one else does."


I hope to God I never end up with secrets like these. And i send out prayers to those who do...

Labels: baby, boyfriends and girlfriends, postsecret, sad princess, secrets, thoughtful princess

sam

God signs

7:25 PM

Last night, after a sad conversation, I set my mind to break up with my boyfriend. Since he was sleeping, I decided to let him know in the morning. BUT then i thought and thought, and bounced back and forth, and then decided to let God decide. So i prayed, or rather asked for a sign. I said, "Please God, if i am meant to be with him, you will make him wear a white shirt tomorrow"

Why white you ask? No, i wasn't trying to take the easy way out. My boyfriend isn't really a typical boy when it comes to dressing. He does not have that classic no-fuss white shirt that all boys seem to have (well if he does I've never seen it). The wifebeaters that he wears around the house range from navy blue to black. I've given him white shirts before, as have my sisters, but he only seemed to don them to seem appreciative and so that we could see them, after that rarely have i seen him wear those again.


I woke up today to muffled sounds of a skype call. It was him, panicked if I had decided during the night to cut all ties. I turned on my video and he turned on his- WHITE. WHITE. The boy was wearing a white shirt, one with thin red stripes but still- WHITE.


I was not being very specific to God. I didn't really say a pure white shirt but just mentioned white. Majority of the relationship saving shirt is white. I guess this is a sign huh? God has a sense of humor too.


Oh, a minute later,I got a skype message, that sounded like a breakthrough and a possible solution to the sad conversation that Jason and I had the night before. God again? Hmmmmm..


And so, Jason and I are still together. Thanks God. I know I owe you more than one!


****


In other news, I'm sick! WAAAAHHHHH. If its not too much to ask the big guy up there... :D

Labels: baby, boyfriends and girlfriends, God, hmmm, jason, relationships, signs, thankful princess, white

sam

what happens when

6:01 PM

...you don't like your boyfriend's friend? when your boyfriend doesn't like your friends? when your friends don't like your boyfriend? or when your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't like you?


what happens then?
who takes top billing?


is it you? or the boyfriend? or the friend? what about if the friend came before you, the girlfriend? who gives way? what happens then?


are older friends supposed to come before significant others? whats the hierarchy supposed to be like?


and what about friends were used to be in the picture, then left the picture and are just re-entering the picture again. what category do they fall under?


ayayay. so many questions. i need enlightenment. seasoned pros, help!

Labels: boyfriends and girlfriends, relationships, thinking aloud, thinking princess, thoughts

sam