i don't know if i should say something

4:37 PM

...but its going to be n my mind anyway so i will.


i really don't like people who are pretentious. or people who are not real. i know it sounds cliche but i really really don't. pretending exhausts me, so i don't really make an effort to hang out with people for appearances sake you know. i've always been like that, so i've always just had a few really close friends, but i love the fact that it doesn't matter if i am in my yuckiest duster or in my prettiest gown, these friends will always see me the same way. how they look at me will not change based on the kind of bag that i bring, the car that i drive, the people that i hang out with.

walking around with someone with a pretty face has opened my eyes to how so many people really are. i don't want to sound condescending at all but this is something that i just need to let out. if i am offending anyone, i apologize. if you are with someone who is pretty or popular or cool,"mura bitw ka ug madala sa kahig". suddenly, people who used to ignore you say hello, you get offered free drinks, you become "friends" with all these new people who really want to be friends with that pretty face.

why? i don't know either. so they can be cool? or part of the in crowd? so they too will be noticed because of the pretty face they were with? so they can say that they too are friends with this guy or girl? ambot.

it makes me kind of sad actually.are people here that
shallow? is it just in the philippines? i was talking to my boyfriend about it and we both came to the conclusion that if we ended up together and had kids, we both would want to raise them in a place where people are valued for their individuality, where there is not much emphasis of pretty or popular. but the question is where??? i used to think people were ok here but i am having second thoughts now. hmmm maybe europe? or australia? people seem to be fine doing their own thing there.sigh. also, i wonder if these "lucky ones"- you know, the ones blessed with the beauty or that cool factor- see through all these people. do they know that people want to be friends because of the way they look? i wonder how it makes them feel?

i really just had to let this out. again, i don't mean to offend anyone.just thinking out loud i guess :(

Labels: deep princess, honestly, pretty, thinking aloud, thinking princess, thoughts

sam

project pia

1:07 PM

i just spent the last 5 days having all sorts of adventures with my friend from paris pia. we first met about 5 years ago when my family and i stayed over their place on a trip to paris. i loved her then and love her more now! she is skinny (haha i had to mention it first), beautiful and totally unaffected by it (which makes her so much more attractive-if such thing could be possible), easy going, smart, unshallow, uncomplicated and so much fun. she has this penny lane hippie vibe and has the uncanny ability to draw people around her. as my friend cybill said- we have seen girls as beautiful as her and even more so, but we've never seen someone draw people in as much as she does. i could go on and on about her but its the skinny part that i want to digress about :p pia is a testament that indeed french(she is half english and filipino technically but she grew up in france and is therefore french too!) women do not get fat. after closely observing her (and what she ate), and after a lot of questions, here are the things that i have gathered so far. I have decided to embark on this diet/change of lifestyle er eating habits or whatever you call it. I have baptised it PROJECT PIA and here are the rules:D

1. Eat one big meal a day (slowly) and take little snacks throughout the rest of the day.

2. Eat at least 5 vegetables and 2 fruits a day.

3. Tea is essential. Pia drinks at least 10 cups a day.

4.Never deprive oneself of treats or food that one loves, take smaller portions instead or better yet, split it with a friend!

5.Take in lots and lots of water (it makes you really really full!)

6.Less meat is better (I think she only eats chicken and fish)

7.Don't think about food so much. Mealtimes shouldn't really be set for certain hours but only when one is hungry.

8.Change the way one feels about eating out. Filipinos think of eatng out as a treat but the French kinda look down on eating out- they feel that the food is of lesser quality as they cannot be sure as to where it comes from. It is much better to eat in where you know EVERYTHING that goes into your food.


hmmmm i guess this is it. PROJECT PIA has officially begun today. I will post updates on how it turns out. I guess it's time for me to drink another cup of tea :p



Oh, for the curious, here are pictures of what Pia looks like, and some of our adventures together!come back soon pia! miss you already!!! bisou! xxx

Labels: diet, food, french, pia, reminder, talking to myself

sam

if you are

8:36 AM

if you are hungry, you go and find food
if you're thirsty, you go and get a soda or water or something

if you're tired, then i guess you take a break.

that's what i'm doing.

Labels: tired tired princess

sam

what happens when

6:01 PM

...you don't like your boyfriend's friend? when your boyfriend doesn't like your friends? when your friends don't like your boyfriend? or when your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't like you?


what happens then?
who takes top billing?


is it you? or the boyfriend? or the friend? what about if the friend came before you, the girlfriend? who gives way? what happens then?


are older friends supposed to come before significant others? whats the hierarchy supposed to be like?


and what about friends were used to be in the picture, then left the picture and are just re-entering the picture again. what category do they fall under?


ayayay. so many questions. i need enlightenment. seasoned pros, help!

Labels: boyfriends and girlfriends, relationships, thinking aloud, thinking princess, thoughts

sam

random thoughts on people we love most

10:34 PM

an incident occurred the other day that has sent me on this whole thought spiral. why is it that we jump to do things for friends, acquaintances, people we've just met and yet for the people that we supposedly love the most, like significant others, family and the closest of friends, we don't mind doing things for later, or presenting half baked attempts?!

people who only start going out with each other spend hours in the mirror, worrying about every minuscule detail about clothes and hair and whatnot. they practice witty lines to say and think of intelligent topics of conversation, and yet when they've been together for some time, and have made the supposed commitment, and it is assumed that they love each other, they don't bother dressing up anymore- they walk around in sweats, stringy hair and are ok with it. the witty lines are replaced by sighs and grunts.

when new acquaintances ask us for little favors, we jump at it, maybe because we're scared to give off bad impressions but easily break promises to our boyfriends and girlfriends and justify to ourselves that its ok. im guilty of this. my boyfriend is guilty of this.are we so secure in our relationship that we break promises without fearing the consequences, that the other one will stick around anyway, regardless of the said promise or not.

i don't know where i'm going with this. i can't help but wish that it was the other way around with the people that we love most and those that are just there. :(

Labels: questions, thinking aloud

sam

aren't stalkers creepy?

10:22 PM

so here we are, my boyfriend jason and i, enjoying a good day post fight, when suddenly
we come into discussion about adding his crazy ex( he said it, not me) on facebook. i am all for it-being the bigger person and all. he vehemently refuses- saying she's crazy and all. since its post fight, i get my way and add her up- again for bigger person sake, and the next thing that transpired was the freakiest/ most hilarious/ weirdest/ pathetic thing ever ! (depends on how you look at it i guess). i am documenting it for the fond memories and also in the event that if something mysteriously happens to jason, the world (at least the part of the world who reads my blog) can point their finger on a possible suspect.(maybe im the one who is

the next things i will post are the facebook wall comments that transpired between jason (my boyfriend) and amanda bottomley (the ex)

i would like to hear your thoughts on it. anyway, here goes nothing:

(23:25:54) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 7:18pmhello stranger! go into hiding did we? =P
(23:26:00) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 8:21pmYes i did...
(23:26:04) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 8:26pmawwww..why? you were fun when you werent a hermit!
so...gimme a little life story since the last time i saw you
(23:26:09) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 8:52pmI havn't been hiding, I have been working, uni and going overseas to the Philippines to see
my gf.
(23:26:14) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 9:15pmthat doesnt sound like much to have done in 2 years!
(23:26:19) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 9:42pmHuh?! I'm sorry, I didnt know I was required to report every single details that transpired in
my life in the past 2 year. I guess I've been too busy actually living life to report about it... My bad...
(23:26:25) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 9:46pmhad a bad day did we jase?
fine...go on not talking to me if you really want, see if i care =P
(23:26:29) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 9:50pmYeah... up until around 5:18pm...
(23:26:34) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 9:52pmit just went down hill from then... i wonder what happened?
(23:26:43) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 9:53pmhug?
(23:26:48) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:00pmcan i take a reincheck?
(23:26:53) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:07pmthat bad hey =( sorry to hear it
keep it for later, you can get more whenever you want..they're fun to give out
(23:26:58) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:10pmno, its ok, i get all that i need from my gf thanks :D
(23:27:03) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:17pmtrue..they're good for that =P
but so are friends (and exes that you dont hate)
(23:27:09) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:28pmyeah, you're right! you said it, not me­ "exes you don't hate" :D
(23:27:14) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:32pmyou hate me now?
(23:27:21) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:32pmi guess that'd explain why i never heard a word from you after we broke up...thanks for
explaining it..
(23:27:26) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:35pmhate is such a strong and hurtful word. i just repeated what you said! :D
(23:27:31) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:36pmso what then?
(23:27:36) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:38pmall this hostility and anger! i thought facebook was an avenue for friends :D
(23:27:41) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:40pmlol you know i dont get angry easily! maybe a tiny bit defensive at times...and its hard to
know exactly what people are thinking/feeling online
(23:27:47) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 10:40pmand isnt it funny how this' the ONLY avenue you've actually talked to me on in 2 yrs
(23:27:51) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:44pmmm funny? i dont think funny is the operative word. anyone looking at the amount of wall
posts might have better insights as to why communication between us dropped out...:D
(23:27:56) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 10:50pmthat's ok! you'll catch up sooner or later, it'll be enlightening! i promise!
(23:28:02) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 11:03pmlol dude, i've been wondering why the communcation dropped just after since we actually
broke up! then again, i can't say i do remember much about the end of the fling
(23:28:10) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 11:09pm thats ok! the two of us don't really have to go through that EXHAUSTING chore of
reminiscing and remembering. best of luck :)
(23:28:16) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 11:18pmso if the relationship didnt work the communication can never work..right­o jase
well i hope you're not as shitty as you were before. enjoy missing your girl. have a fun life.
(23:28:21) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 11:25pmI am having the funnest life! .. but then again, probably you would have known that by now
;) whoops! did I? little ole me slip out that you might have been stalking me? sorry... have a fun life
too! :D
(23:32:19) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Manda Bottomley (Australia) wrote
at 11:30pmi haven't, but you know i could quite easily.
(23:34:17) neurologik ­ Finding Forever: Jason Lagaac (no network) wrote
at 11:34pmYay! a direct quote as evidence in case I want to file a restraining order?! :D


.....hmmm sneaky stalker deleted the rest from her wall, but thats not all. here's the personal messages that went on too. (oooohhh)


manda to jason message 1: we didnt end on such a horrible note...why be such a bitch to me now?

jason's reply to manda 1:look, i have moved on and suddenly you try and come barging into my life in the rudest way possible. how do you expect me to react to emails about stalking threats?! has it occurred to you that I just wanted to be left alone? I've moved on and I hope you have too, why do you need a detail description about my life? Do you wanna make a comparison? You said it yourself that I was shitty. Now I dont think you need more shitty people in your life... isnt it just common sense?

I add you ontofacebook and I tried to be the bigger person and just accept it, andthen you attack my public wall? you expect me just to sit here and donothing?! give me a break...

manda's reply back: wow! dude!!
iadded you mainly just caus i wanted to say hi! i was bored, saw yourname and decided to add you. i was just interested in how you've beenand what you've been up to.
stalking? yeah..right! why on earthwould i even bother? you've obviously completely forgotten what i'mlike it you seriously think i would even consider ACTUALLY stalkinganyone..let alone you.

yes, i've moved on, but that doesnt stopme from wanting to say hi to some people from my past. i mustn't haveseen your attempts to say "manda..get lost" but thanks a lot for theblatant exclamation! i dont have anything against you, but apparentlythe feeling's not mutual..no one told me that before, but you didnthave to attack me!
if you really want, we can delete those posts and just go back to eachother's pasts.
10:42 PM
just in future, try not to take things out so much on people youhavent talked to in a while! they generally dont know what's happeningand dont expect things like this.

bye

jason's final reply: yeah, ok. so that explains all the weird emails and the rudeness on facebook. got it, thanks. bye.


-that's all i got (for now) sorry for the long rambling post, but it needed to be said. and before i go, can i just say: AREN'T STALKERS THE CREEPIEST???!!! Thoughts?

Labels: baby, creepy, jason, longest post ever, stalker

sam

i hate boys.

8:42 PM

sometimes i really do. i loathe their existence.kung dili kaya, dili magtugatuga beh. mao ra.

Labels: angry angry princess, arrgghhhhh, venting

sam

i hate to say it but...i'm getting old

11:03 AM

ever since my 23rd birthday, i've been hit with this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach that i am indeed getting old. i'm in my mid mid-twenties (does that make sense?) and i'm not really sure if i've accomplished anything significant and yet the clock continues to tick. and why do i especially feel the clock ticking, one may ask? its because of the following things i've noticed as of late:

1. on the day i turned 23, i started using olay total effects- the one that fights the seven signs of aging- and its actually worked! no this is not necessarily a good thing as it points out that i've had wrinkles and whatnot to actually correct -Old signs!

2. i've tried in vain to go to clubs like vudu to dance and party the night away but find myself stifling yawns instead.

3.i have arthritis!!!i can actually feel if its going to rain or not because of my aching left leg and sometimes right arm!

4.nights meant for going "club-out" are converted into nights of eating, coffee and long deep conversations (right cy? hehe)

5.its fun to stay home

6.a piso is still a piso and i actually feel the pinch even when i buy something as cheap as say 64 pesos. money doesn't grow on trees.

7.being a bum has somewhat lost its allure and having means to support oneself and be independent from the parentals seems more exciting.

8.the talk of marriage and kids is touched on more and more and it has steered away from being fantasy weddings and perfect kids but more into good solid marriages and raising good kids who will later become good people.

9.the notion of compromise is actually in my mind now and surprisingly, i am willing to engage in it at times (very rare times, but hey that's a start)

10.saturday mornings like these aren't spent sleeping in (as much) but contemplating the meaning of life and relationships, still checking up on work and figuring out how to get more moolah :p

geez, that's old. haha. thoughts?

Labels: deep princess, old, old princess, thoughtful princess, thoughts

sam

my absolutest favorite song in the whole wide world

12:53 PM

Labels: baby, favorite, heart, in love princess, liz phair, song

sam

WANTED: niche

8:25 PM

i need a niche. the business thing requires a niche. help me. women? college kids? working girls? yuppies? old ladies? somebody hook me up with a niche! NOW!!! please... hehe

Labels: business, needing princess, needs, niche

sam

alive alive!!!

1:12 PM

no, i am not dead. nor have i run away to another country and changed my identity. i have just been busy. very busy. in my absence, i have decided to try my luck at my own business! ahhhhhh. its so freaking scary. im kuyawan kuyawan but as tey say seize the day! so this girl has seized!


please help this girl out wit her fear and check out www.kinaham.multiply.com. if u like what you see, please add me up.

whew. thats it for now. back to being a scared princess...:p


p.s a big namaste to my friends who have showed tremendous support: my baby, dianne of sepa, anacom, my family...lov you all. namaste namaste! mwaahhhhh

Labels: alive, business, kinaham, multiply, scared princess

sam